What nobody ever tells you is that when you have children, the deepest topics can jump you right in the face while doing the most mundane things – in our case, brushing hair. I was trying to get our big girl ready for holiday club, conscious of the time and my looming deadlines, when…
L: “Mummy, are you still growing?”
Me: “I stopped growing a long time ago. Grown-ups stop growing at some point. But the funny thing is, then they start shrinking, the older they get!”
L: “And then you turn into a baby again?”
(Benjamin Button springs to mind.)
Me: “No, darling… We just… we… at some point, we then go to heaven.”
L: “But not you! Or me!!….”
Me: “After a hopefully very happy and long life… Well, yes. That is how this works.”
L: “Can Hasi come?” Hasi is the not-so-white not-so-fluffy-one-ear-bunny that goes everywhere.
(How did we get from there to here in under a minute? My cheeks are burning, I’m welling up. I wasn’t prepared for a life and death conversation. She seems surprisingly OK with the whole thing. All I can master is a quick ponytail. Then I hug her for what feels like an eternity.)
L: “Why are there drops coming out of your eyes?”
Me: “Because I am so, so happy to have you, my baby.”
L: “I’m happy too. And remember! Where the baking team!” (smiling)
Holiday club, deadlines, being late… Nothing matters right now. When I wave her good-bye, I feel so connected to her. And grateful. My 4-year-old has the most amazing capacity to show me what truly is important in life. The Here and Now. I check my watch. 5 hours to go till we pick her up. I am planning on taking time off to make brownies with her today.